The Wrong Tuxedo

In speaking about all that's "wrong" with more traditional churches, I have had something playing in my mind over and over again.

There is a very memorable scene in the movie Dumb and Dumber (I like the TV version so all the bad stuff is cut out) where Jim Carey's character is trying on a series of tuxedos. He comes out in all these amazing, expensive, and fancy tuxedos and has just a horrible, uncomfortable look on his face.

Then, he finds a bright orange, hideously outdated tuxedo and top hat and just starts dancing around, happy as a puppy, while the salesmen are absolutely horrified.

That's me. Although other people like and respect all these other church forms, I am just miserable when I'm put in them. They may look good on me, but they feel so constricted and uncomfortable.

Yet, when I found this new tuxedo (the organic, emerging church), I immediately fell head over heals in love with it. It's what I was born to do!

So much more of the Bible makes sense in this context. I am now free to be creative and express the gifts that God gave me, and not pretend to be something I'm not. Evangelism flows from a love of God now, instead of some bully making me. My sermons get infused with passion when I talk about it! The world finally makes sense here.

I know that I may fall flat on my face and be an absolute failure at this endeavor to plant a church with virtually no support or financial backing. I don't care, because I've got Jesus, and that's got to count for something! Besides, I'll have a regular job, so I won't need the church's (or a mission organization's) money.

It all goes back to masculinity. I need risk. I need challenge. I need something that can only happen because of God. I just need to wear the tuxedo that fits. This is my quest.

"Certain death? Small chance of success? What are we waiting for?!" --Gimli, LOTR

Girly-Man Christians

I just finished "Why Men Hate Church" and I was in hearty agreement! Basically, church is for sissies, which is ironic, since almost all pastors and leaders are still "men." There is no challenge from the church (except to stop being mean and naughty?) and church is all about sitting still, being quiet, sharing emotions, and happy-clappy music (if you're LUCKY). Plus, the God of Christianity (Jesus) is portrayed as being a total wuss (a hippie in a dress).

I'm not going to say that the solution is to allow belligerance, disrespect, and casual sex into the church, but somebody needs to "man up" and say that it's OK to be Christian and masculine. How did Jesus, Paul, and David get turned into guys who drink tea while sitting on the couch and talking about their feelings?

As the great theologian and philosopher of this age, Sinbad, once eloquently said, "women be different from men!" Christianity should not be marked by either masculine or feminine traits, but should let the glory of God be reflected in different ways by the different sexes.

I'm sure there will be some debate on this, but men need manly examples of courage, vision, self-sacrifice, perseverance, leadership, how to treat women, all mixed with humility and reverance for God. While at the same time, women need womanly examples of sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows...

...of course I'm joking.

...they need examples of nurture, hospitality, relationship, sharing, empathy, mercy, and support, and coochie coo baby stuff, and and I'm sure their are many other things, but I'm not by any means the expert on women!! I'll let woment figure out what their femininity means, just as long as I still get to watch football.


I....braveheart....


I BRAVEHEART!!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

So What's the Remedy?

In quick response to my last posts, I want to propose a solution to the "problems." My main problem is that the older forms of churches are out of touch with culture, but not in the good way. While being irrelevant to the sinful elements of culture is absolutely what the church is called to do, we are not commanded to just be relevant to older cultures. Missionaries have learned this and work with their people to produce biblically-faithful AND culturally relevant Christianity.

As far as music, I love a lot of hymns, but the music is awful!! I love how many musicians are putting old words to new music. Whenever I hear an old style hymn next to a modern song, it just clashes so horribly, like plaid and polka dot! You can keep the words, just modify the tune and chord structure. It may be fine for Martin Luther, but it makes me cringe.

As to culture, there are many innocent cultural forms, such as music, clothes (as long as they cover up all the naughty parts), hairstyles, architecture, furniture, technology, language, and so many other things! However, the church must always take a strong stand against things that are universally sinful, such as extramarital sex, homosexuality, lying, stealing, drunkenness, rage, hatred, oppression, greed, violence against women, rape, murder, abortion, child abuse, racism, injustice, idolatry, and I'm sure there are others that I forgot to mention.

Let me say about language that the church needs to ensure that she is understood. People need to know what they accept/reject. When was the last time you heard someone use the words exalt, holy, sanctification, repentance, propitiation, or blasphemy in regular speech outside the church? Yet all these words were very secular first century words that everybody knew and used. What if instead we said, honor, pure, purification, turning away, satisfaction, or slander?

Finally, does anyone really like to be lectured? Traditional churches often want you to attend around five church lectures per week. Give me a break! All churches need to put up or shut up! Quit talking about it and do it! People learn better by doing anyway! Jesus always balanced his teaching approach between listening and doing. Gee, maybe we should do that too.

OK, I'm done with my little rants. Hopefully I've hit some nerves and people will send me some nasty hate mail. It's OK, I can take it.