What's on your "Sins Checklist"?
I know it seems like an odd question, but the thing is, most of the behaviors we know as "sin" are not even covered in the Bible. And some that are, are not the things we make them. I'll give you some examples:
1) Saying cuss words
2) Smoking/dipping tobacco
3) Drinking Alcohol (as in not to drunkenness and debauchery and belligerency)
4) Listening to loud rock/rap music
The problem with evaluating people by these (or whatever) criteria is that oftentimes we often treat people much differently based on whatever category we put them in: Sinner/Saint/Whatever. Hidden in these categories are often feelings of superiority or even disdain, or maybe that's just me.
Anyway, I don't really know you, so I don't know if this applies to you at all. But I was just thinking that God maybe doesn't care so much about the things that top our sin list. I wonder what God's list looks like, and which boxes I can check off. Probably none, really if God gets to define them. He has a way of perfection that I hate comparing myself with because I end up looking like a pretty big dirtbag compared to Jesus.
I wonder what it was like to be around a perfect guy. What would it be like to get a compliment from a perfect human, like about big faith, or whatever.
Have you ever noticed Jesus' categories of sinful people? "Hypocrits and Little-Faith-ers." The first century Jews had "tax collectors and prostitutes." The Roman aristocracy had "barbarians and slaves." My personal top two were/are "fornicators and idiots." In the past in America there were "hippies and communists." So what are your categories of sinners? I bet whatever they are, they conveniently leave you out.
I think I tend to be more of a "ye of little faith" than anything else.
Showing posts with label inadequacy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inadequacy. Show all posts
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
A Confession
It's amazing to me that much of my haranguing of the "traditional church" stems from petty jealousy. Why don't I have a big church (or A church) like those other idiots?
Which idiots, you ask?
--Joel Osteen has the largest church in America and you're lucky to hear a reference to the Bible (much less Jesus) in one of his sermons.
--Then there was that guy in Colorado who had a mega church, was president of the Evangelicals, but got caught doing meth with a gay prostitute.
--Also my wife had a friend whose husband had several church jobs and a touring band, but he decided to turn his back on his career, his wife, and his five kids for some floozy he met at seminary of all places.
So why do these guys get the good gigs, while people like me, who have no idea where to even buy crystal methamphetamine, or who talk a lot about Jesus in sermons, struggle to find a gig with more than twenty people? Do you see what I am doing here? I'm masking my sins behind their "bigger" sins and claiming something to the effect that God doesn't need to use as much grace with me as He does with others. So, basically, I'm making it easier on God; He gets the better end of the deal, right? Right? Yeah, I guess not.
What I really hate is hearing people with big (150+) churches talking about how miserable they are sometimes! If you hate it so much, then why don't you step down and let some of the rest of us have a turn?!? I really used to think that pastors weren't in it for themselves, but lately I've seen so many who are absolutely intent on plastering their own pretty face and their brilliance all over the place. When I was in high school, we called these kind of people "attention whores." I wonder what John the Baptist meant when he said "he must increase and I must decrease." I like the kind of pastors who hate the spotlight and hate the sound of their own voice, but these guys don't have mega churches, they instead force their way into email inboxes through their own soapbox blogs, like me!
It's so easy to have that cheese ball humility amid success; I should know, I've been successful at various times. The difficult thing is to live with humility that comes from trial and failure. When life humiliates you, that is a whole different ball of cheese; plus it isn't so offensive to others I've found.
People like to say that when God closes a door, He opens a window. What they fail to reveal is that the window is usually on the second or third floor with really pointy bushes below you, and the window is really small and uncomfortable to squeeze through, and once you're outside, you really wonder whether or not you should have stayed inside and waited just a little while longer for another door to open, but in reality we all want what we can't have, and just when we get it we start wanting something else that we can't have and just start blaming God for the fact that life isn't perfect, but if life were perfect how would we know we needed God??
Or maybe that's just me....
Which idiots, you ask?
--Joel Osteen has the largest church in America and you're lucky to hear a reference to the Bible (much less Jesus) in one of his sermons.
--Then there was that guy in Colorado who had a mega church, was president of the Evangelicals, but got caught doing meth with a gay prostitute.
--Also my wife had a friend whose husband had several church jobs and a touring band, but he decided to turn his back on his career, his wife, and his five kids for some floozy he met at seminary of all places.
So why do these guys get the good gigs, while people like me, who have no idea where to even buy crystal methamphetamine, or who talk a lot about Jesus in sermons, struggle to find a gig with more than twenty people? Do you see what I am doing here? I'm masking my sins behind their "bigger" sins and claiming something to the effect that God doesn't need to use as much grace with me as He does with others. So, basically, I'm making it easier on God; He gets the better end of the deal, right? Right? Yeah, I guess not.
What I really hate is hearing people with big (150+) churches talking about how miserable they are sometimes! If you hate it so much, then why don't you step down and let some of the rest of us have a turn?!? I really used to think that pastors weren't in it for themselves, but lately I've seen so many who are absolutely intent on plastering their own pretty face and their brilliance all over the place. When I was in high school, we called these kind of people "attention whores." I wonder what John the Baptist meant when he said "he must increase and I must decrease." I like the kind of pastors who hate the spotlight and hate the sound of their own voice, but these guys don't have mega churches, they instead force their way into email inboxes through their own soapbox blogs, like me!
It's so easy to have that cheese ball humility amid success; I should know, I've been successful at various times. The difficult thing is to live with humility that comes from trial and failure. When life humiliates you, that is a whole different ball of cheese; plus it isn't so offensive to others I've found.
People like to say that when God closes a door, He opens a window. What they fail to reveal is that the window is usually on the second or third floor with really pointy bushes below you, and the window is really small and uncomfortable to squeeze through, and once you're outside, you really wonder whether or not you should have stayed inside and waited just a little while longer for another door to open, but in reality we all want what we can't have, and just when we get it we start wanting something else that we can't have and just start blaming God for the fact that life isn't perfect, but if life were perfect how would we know we needed God??
Or maybe that's just me....
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Leper Colony
I stole the title from a famous old movie called "12 o'clock High" starring Gregory Peck. It's an amazing movie on leadership and stuff and everyone should watch it.
Anyhow, this is not a commercial. There is a hot shot leader who thinks he is too good for everyone and doesn't respect Mr. Peck's authority. In response to this, the punk kid leader is put in charge of all the least-effective crew members on a plane named "The Leper Colony." The leader is told he has to make all these morons into the best unit or else risk dismissal.
Oddly enough, this is my dream, my quest, my mission, my goal. I would LOVE for my church to be a true Leper Colony, an Island of Misfit Toys, a League of Their Own, and soforth. In a way, I already have a glimpse of this working with Set Free, although I am not the pastor.
I'm sure that rich, successful people need Jesus just like everybody else, but that seems to be the only targets for church planting---after all, it worked pretty well for Rick Warren and Bill Hybels!
What if there were a group of idiots like me whose only goal in life was to avoid the trappings of the rich and powerful and successful? Who wanted to see a work that only God could do? Who wanted to move among the "lepers" of our day, as one of their own kind, and pull them to the only one who can cleanse them and make them new?
Well there just so happens to be one man foolish enough to go there, and his name is me!
Anyhow, this is not a commercial. There is a hot shot leader who thinks he is too good for everyone and doesn't respect Mr. Peck's authority. In response to this, the punk kid leader is put in charge of all the least-effective crew members on a plane named "The Leper Colony." The leader is told he has to make all these morons into the best unit or else risk dismissal.
Oddly enough, this is my dream, my quest, my mission, my goal. I would LOVE for my church to be a true Leper Colony, an Island of Misfit Toys, a League of Their Own, and soforth. In a way, I already have a glimpse of this working with Set Free, although I am not the pastor.
I'm sure that rich, successful people need Jesus just like everybody else, but that seems to be the only targets for church planting---after all, it worked pretty well for Rick Warren and Bill Hybels!
What if there were a group of idiots like me whose only goal in life was to avoid the trappings of the rich and powerful and successful? Who wanted to see a work that only God could do? Who wanted to move among the "lepers" of our day, as one of their own kind, and pull them to the only one who can cleanse them and make them new?
Well there just so happens to be one man foolish enough to go there, and his name is me!
Friday, February 15, 2008
David and Saul
Normally, I hate to broadcast my shortcomings, but I also realize that I can't afford to broadcast only my victories. Hopefully, I'm not being too transparent.
Here's the thing: I know I'm good at a lot of things. But on the flip side of that, I know I'm not the best at anything, and I never will be. The thing is, many times I just resent the people that are better than me.
Let me rephrase that, the thing I really resent is when I see people with less talent than I have get better results than I get. It's not fair. In a way, I'm like the jerkface, whiney, second string quarterback, stirring up trouble in order to secure the top spot for myself.
I can really identify with David, the hot-shot upstart thrust into second place in the kingdom of Israel. But I have not yet learned the lesson never to lay a hand on the LORD's annointed (1 Sam 24). Unfortunately, that makes me more like David's son, Absalom, who went behind the king's back to create a following and usurp the kingdom (2 Sam 15). And that is why I think I'm still on the sidelines.
So there you have it. I'm not proud of it. The only thing left for me to do is repent of it and stop doing it. It's time to realize that I don't have to be the best. Maybe it would help to see things from God's perspective, to celebrate His victories and gifts, regardless of who He chooses to bless. I've done it before, so it's now a matter of consistently applying it.
I don't like being a disaffected malcontent all the time.
Hopefully, the first step toward recovery really is to admit you have a problem.
Here's the thing: I know I'm good at a lot of things. But on the flip side of that, I know I'm not the best at anything, and I never will be. The thing is, many times I just resent the people that are better than me.
Let me rephrase that, the thing I really resent is when I see people with less talent than I have get better results than I get. It's not fair. In a way, I'm like the jerkface, whiney, second string quarterback, stirring up trouble in order to secure the top spot for myself.
I can really identify with David, the hot-shot upstart thrust into second place in the kingdom of Israel. But I have not yet learned the lesson never to lay a hand on the LORD's annointed (1 Sam 24). Unfortunately, that makes me more like David's son, Absalom, who went behind the king's back to create a following and usurp the kingdom (2 Sam 15). And that is why I think I'm still on the sidelines.
So there you have it. I'm not proud of it. The only thing left for me to do is repent of it and stop doing it. It's time to realize that I don't have to be the best. Maybe it would help to see things from God's perspective, to celebrate His victories and gifts, regardless of who He chooses to bless. I've done it before, so it's now a matter of consistently applying it.
I don't like being a disaffected malcontent all the time.
Hopefully, the first step toward recovery really is to admit you have a problem.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Mission Accomplished
Well, another semester has ended and I got my grades back. Three A's and one A-. This puts me in a really good position to graduate seminary with honors (3.8 GPA or higher). This was a really tough semester since it was the first one after I became a supervisor at UPS, and I was also trying to study church planting, and I was building a website and blog. I'm pretty sure there was some divine action going on behind the scenes, so a big thanks goes to the Holy Spirit for those grades.
Boy, I tell you there is nothing like messing up in front of a group of people. I was leading worship today and I really messed up some words, important words at that. It was totally due to my not formatting the song sheet like I normally do. It was a new song and the lyrics were way too small. Lesson learned. I was talking about how so many Christmas songs talk about the Christmas story but don't talk about atonement and the purpose of Christmas. So where did I mess up? Of course, on the words that dealt with the atonement! I think Satan may have had a part in that, since I did not pray like I normally do. By the way, the song was called "Joy Has Dawned." It's really great when the words are sung right!
I do not know which is more disappointing to me: that I distracted from the worship of God, or that I publicly displayed my imperfections. I'm afraid I'm honestly more concerned about the latter. I have a pretty big codependency streak inside me that I hate. I want so bad for people to like me, and I really take rejection hard. I often feel that respect and friendship are based on my abilities, and if I don't perform then people will stop being my friend.
Rich Mullins wrote a song called "Brother's Keeper," and the chorus goes:
I will be my brother's keeper
Not the one who judges him.
I won't despise him for his weakness
I won't regard him for his strength.
I'm afraid that the reason I am so bothered by messing up in front of people is that I'm afraid that they will judge me in the same way I have judged others, and I probably deserve it, but I don't like it.
So let's agree not to judge each other on merit, but in love and forgiveness, on the basis of how Jesus feels about us. And feel free to throw this back in my face whenever I need it!
Boy, I tell you there is nothing like messing up in front of a group of people. I was leading worship today and I really messed up some words, important words at that. It was totally due to my not formatting the song sheet like I normally do. It was a new song and the lyrics were way too small. Lesson learned. I was talking about how so many Christmas songs talk about the Christmas story but don't talk about atonement and the purpose of Christmas. So where did I mess up? Of course, on the words that dealt with the atonement! I think Satan may have had a part in that, since I did not pray like I normally do. By the way, the song was called "Joy Has Dawned." It's really great when the words are sung right!
I do not know which is more disappointing to me: that I distracted from the worship of God, or that I publicly displayed my imperfections. I'm afraid I'm honestly more concerned about the latter. I have a pretty big codependency streak inside me that I hate. I want so bad for people to like me, and I really take rejection hard. I often feel that respect and friendship are based on my abilities, and if I don't perform then people will stop being my friend.
Rich Mullins wrote a song called "Brother's Keeper," and the chorus goes:
I will be my brother's keeper
Not the one who judges him.
I won't despise him for his weakness
I won't regard him for his strength.
I'm afraid that the reason I am so bothered by messing up in front of people is that I'm afraid that they will judge me in the same way I have judged others, and I probably deserve it, but I don't like it.
So let's agree not to judge each other on merit, but in love and forgiveness, on the basis of how Jesus feels about us. And feel free to throw this back in my face whenever I need it!
Friday, November 30, 2007
What Do I Have to Offer??
As someone just asked me today, "what is your website for?" I guess I'm still struggling with that question. With all the garbage on the internet, what on earth do I think I have to offer anyone?
I think I have an answer. I want a site where people can learn about me, where my friends and family can keep tabs on me, and where I can express myself creatively. Unfortunately, the internet community is not really dying for that information. Maybe I should rename my site "Picked Last on the Internet, too!" I can't really find the group of people I belong to (or, to which I belong).
So for all you skeptics and H8rs out there, here's my dream goals for internet-land:
--A site where people can anonymously talk about and work through secret sins
--A site where people can see and listen to encouraging words from God
--A site where I can release all the pent up frustration and feelings of inadequacy
--A site where Christianity is discussed in ways that my generation can understand
--A site where I can at least pretend that other people care what I think
--A site where other people KNOW I care what they think
--A site that God can use to accomplish something greater than I could ask or think
How will these things happen? I've got some ideas. Hopefully, soon I can put up some streaming video and audio stuff. Hopefully, I've typed the right words that people can stumble across me through search engines "just by accident." Hopefully, some of you reading this will give me some good advice on some new directions to take.
What do I have to offer? Only everything.
What do YOU have to offer?
I think I have an answer. I want a site where people can learn about me, where my friends and family can keep tabs on me, and where I can express myself creatively. Unfortunately, the internet community is not really dying for that information. Maybe I should rename my site "Picked Last on the Internet, too!" I can't really find the group of people I belong to (or, to which I belong).
So for all you skeptics and H8rs out there, here's my dream goals for internet-land:
--A site where people can anonymously talk about and work through secret sins
--A site where people can see and listen to encouraging words from God
--A site where I can release all the pent up frustration and feelings of inadequacy
--A site where Christianity is discussed in ways that my generation can understand
--A site where I can at least pretend that other people care what I think
--A site where other people KNOW I care what they think
--A site that God can use to accomplish something greater than I could ask or think
How will these things happen? I've got some ideas. Hopefully, soon I can put up some streaming video and audio stuff. Hopefully, I've typed the right words that people can stumble across me through search engines "just by accident." Hopefully, some of you reading this will give me some good advice on some new directions to take.
What do I have to offer? Only everything.
What do YOU have to offer?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)