Well, not "Hollywood" per se, but Kansas City doesn't have any exciting true stories of intrigue and suspense: that is, until now!!
I want to depart from the theoretical rights and wrongs of Christianity and describe some of my experiences in real, true, gritty, raw format. Excited yet? I know I am.
To begin, I confess that I am a horrible, horrible coward when it comes to talking about Jesus with other people. This is partly because I don't want to be made fun of and partly because I don't like revealing my passions to anyone: musical, artistic, design, love, sports teams, or whatever. I like to play everything close to my chest and remain mysteriously (and coolly) aloof from friendship and any level of intimacy.
The result? I have very few friends and a phobia of intimacy on many levels.
Anyhow, I'm sure you're not reading this to hear me complain about my social problems like a tweeny-bopper girl at a giggly slumber party. On to the titular concerns (that is, relating to the title, not what you're thinking!).
As strange as it may sound, there is a lot of difference in trying to explain and persuade to Christianity someone who is a divorced 50-year-old man and a late-twenties philosophy major. The first wants short, simple answers that I have a hard time giving because I tend to get logorrhea ("diarrhea of the mouth") and over explain all the junk behind how people arrive at simple conclusions. This, however, is a great method for the latter guy.
My point is, it is difficult to adapt effective speaking methods to different kinds of people. At times, it frustrates me, because it means that I have to put more time and energy into things.
Or . . . maybe I should just pray about it more and let the Holy Spirit do his job.
Anyway, it's a lot more fun to talk about Jesus and it's pretty wild not having all the answers to the hard questions of life. I've found that if it's too easy, it's probably wrong, but oh well.
Can anyone out there relate to this? Did everybody follow what I just said?
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
I don't usually like to blog about personal issues, but I suppose every rule has to have an exception. Today, my wife and I were preapproved for a mortgage, and have thus taken our first steps toward homeownership.
I am really excited! I am looking forward to shopping around, and picking out a place that will finally be "ours," with no hassles about damage, no worries about the people downstairs, and a backyard to relax in.
I would appreciate your prayers in this enormous undertaking for all the aspects, and just that the house won't collapse or catch on fire or something like that. At least not for a long long time.
I am also really really wanting a place in which to cultivate a community of faith--i.e., start a church, so I really want a place conducive to meeting, talking, hanging, and the occasional whatnot.
Plus I'd like to thank a historic recession/depression for low low house prices and historically low interest rates!
I am really excited! I am looking forward to shopping around, and picking out a place that will finally be "ours," with no hassles about damage, no worries about the people downstairs, and a backyard to relax in.
I would appreciate your prayers in this enormous undertaking for all the aspects, and just that the house won't collapse or catch on fire or something like that. At least not for a long long time.
I am also really really wanting a place in which to cultivate a community of faith--i.e., start a church, so I really want a place conducive to meeting, talking, hanging, and the occasional whatnot.
Plus I'd like to thank a historic recession/depression for low low house prices and historically low interest rates!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
The Most Dangerous Question
I am a guy who loves questions. I love to question everything and every process and every rule I encounter to see just how much scrutiny it holds up to. I especially love it when people ask me questions. I love being the answer man. Questions, questions, questions. It's how I learn and grow.
I wonder now if God is the same as me in this regard. I know when Jesus was on earth He was the master at answering questions with really insightful questions in reply. So in that sense, it was never really a good idea to ask Jesus a question because, more often than not, you left with a metaphorical limp.
I have been asking God a lot of questions over the past year. Why didn't this happen? Why am I still in a city full of sucky sports teams? Why does everyone else prosper by God's grace? Why is God so intent on holding me back? Why did I succeed so overwhelmingly and easily in seminary only to sit the bench in real life? Why have none of my crazy schemes worked? Why, why, why, why, why?
Yet it occurs to me that the question most important to me is the most profoundly unanswered question in the Bible. Honestly, I really appreciate more and more the parts of the Bible where God does absolutely no talking, and people are forced to cling to the rumors and almost-forgotten promises of generations past. Books like Esther, Ecclesiastes, Judges, Nehemiah, the really long middle of Job, the end of Genesis, and even the New Testament epistles bear testimony to the sometimes excruciating ordeal of having only the benefit of hindsight in seeing the fingerprints of God's workings behind the scenes.
And that's the only way to answer the hard and painful why questions. I think, like Job, if God even got close to telling us why then our brains would explode and our faces would melt. OK, so not EXACTLY like Job....
Why? Because He is God and He gets to decide what happens and when it happens. It's a perk of being God. That may sound trite and easy at first, but it is assuredly not, because God is also good and loving and faithful and longsuffering and present with us always. These traits are hard to fuse together because, at least in my mind, the good and loving thing to do would be to tell me all the stuff that will happen.
But I guess for me, "such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain..."
But seriously, why am I the way that I am? Anyone?
I wonder now if God is the same as me in this regard. I know when Jesus was on earth He was the master at answering questions with really insightful questions in reply. So in that sense, it was never really a good idea to ask Jesus a question because, more often than not, you left with a metaphorical limp.
I have been asking God a lot of questions over the past year. Why didn't this happen? Why am I still in a city full of sucky sports teams? Why does everyone else prosper by God's grace? Why is God so intent on holding me back? Why did I succeed so overwhelmingly and easily in seminary only to sit the bench in real life? Why have none of my crazy schemes worked? Why, why, why, why, why?
Yet it occurs to me that the question most important to me is the most profoundly unanswered question in the Bible. Honestly, I really appreciate more and more the parts of the Bible where God does absolutely no talking, and people are forced to cling to the rumors and almost-forgotten promises of generations past. Books like Esther, Ecclesiastes, Judges, Nehemiah, the really long middle of Job, the end of Genesis, and even the New Testament epistles bear testimony to the sometimes excruciating ordeal of having only the benefit of hindsight in seeing the fingerprints of God's workings behind the scenes.
And that's the only way to answer the hard and painful why questions. I think, like Job, if God even got close to telling us why then our brains would explode and our faces would melt. OK, so not EXACTLY like Job....
Why? Because He is God and He gets to decide what happens and when it happens. It's a perk of being God. That may sound trite and easy at first, but it is assuredly not, because God is also good and loving and faithful and longsuffering and present with us always. These traits are hard to fuse together because, at least in my mind, the good and loving thing to do would be to tell me all the stuff that will happen.
But I guess for me, "such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain..."
But seriously, why am I the way that I am? Anyone?
Friday, August 1, 2008
Blech
Moving is no fun!
So now the wife and me are in a new place with a little breathing room (finally!). Although, the living room is a stupid "L" shape that is impossible to design around with our furniture. Not only that, but the finished basement, while big, has narrow stairs that almost no furniture can go down, so our hands are really tied, decorationally speaking. Oh well.
I don't know if anyone can relate, but I really, REALLY hate applying for jobs. The work is so tedious and most of the time you don't even get the job.
As of a week or two ago, I've decided to officially put any church ambitions on an indefinite hold. I'm just kind of sick of pushing against God all the time. It's frustrating when every point on the compass is the wrong direction!
So here I am, clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. So, I'm just wondering if I'm completely stuck for the rest of my life in a job that I hate, living totally unfulfilled, and letting all my talent go to waste. Maybe I don't even have talent? I just want the feeling that I'm making a difference somewhere. Is that wrong?
Will there ever be a rainbow?
So now the wife and me are in a new place with a little breathing room (finally!). Although, the living room is a stupid "L" shape that is impossible to design around with our furniture. Not only that, but the finished basement, while big, has narrow stairs that almost no furniture can go down, so our hands are really tied, decorationally speaking. Oh well.
I don't know if anyone can relate, but I really, REALLY hate applying for jobs. The work is so tedious and most of the time you don't even get the job.
As of a week or two ago, I've decided to officially put any church ambitions on an indefinite hold. I'm just kind of sick of pushing against God all the time. It's frustrating when every point on the compass is the wrong direction!
So here I am, clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. So, I'm just wondering if I'm completely stuck for the rest of my life in a job that I hate, living totally unfulfilled, and letting all my talent go to waste. Maybe I don't even have talent? I just want the feeling that I'm making a difference somewhere. Is that wrong?
Will there ever be a rainbow?
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Potpourri
As some of you can imagine, I'm not really happy working at UPS. I've been looking for a supplemental job for awhile now, and I may have something here. Over the weekend, I interviewed for a job with T-Mobile. The great thing is, it sounds like this could be more than a supplemental income job, but a real job for awhile that could take the place of UPS and allow me to make a livable wage, finally!! So pray for me as the process continues.
Thanks to God's provision, we were able to pay off over $14,000 of credit card debt across four cards in just over three years, even while going to school. I'm really hoping that this will be the time in our lives that puts us ahead, financially. It's really great to have that monkey off our back.
And now for something completely different....
In my interview yesterday, I had to explain what I was doing with my degree(s) and what my goals were. It's difficult enough explaining "house church" (a better term is organic church) to someone who's a theologically trained pastor, but to a non-Christian all I could think about is that it came across like I was a cult member!
In other news, this Saturday is the big day: moving day. So much happening, new living space, new job (possibly), new phase in life, and please pray that we can get something going in our area by way of home Bible studies or something.
The only thing on my horizon is everything.
Thanks to God's provision, we were able to pay off over $14,000 of credit card debt across four cards in just over three years, even while going to school. I'm really hoping that this will be the time in our lives that puts us ahead, financially. It's really great to have that monkey off our back.
And now for something completely different....
In my interview yesterday, I had to explain what I was doing with my degree(s) and what my goals were. It's difficult enough explaining "house church" (a better term is organic church) to someone who's a theologically trained pastor, but to a non-Christian all I could think about is that it came across like I was a cult member!
In other news, this Saturday is the big day: moving day. So much happening, new living space, new job (possibly), new phase in life, and please pray that we can get something going in our area by way of home Bible studies or something.
The only thing on my horizon is everything.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Life in the Desert
This past Sunday I preached a sermon at Set Free about "Life in the Desert," essentially explaining how to cope with times of difficulty and spiritual frustration and the feeling that God is very distant. If you've read my past few blogs, I'm sure you can see how appropriate that is for my season of life.
So for those of you who feel like you're wandering around in circles, getting nowhere, and "chasing the wind," I'll give you the abbreviated version of my sermon (which clocked in at a cool 25 minutes!)
First, times in the desert are a necessity. Every person has gone, or will go, through these times. All the big shots in the Bible went through it: Moses, Elijah, Jesus, Paul, and even some littler shots like Philip the evangelist. There are many different reasons people have to go through the desert: tempting, testing, punishment, a personal God-encounter, escape, training, and to minister to other desert dwellers. The key is to endure the time, while not doing anything to keep you there longer.
Second, in the desert, regardless of why you are there, you will face temptation. Either the temptation to "go back to Egypt," or the temptation to stay and do things like God's not watching. Our reactions to these can either be like the Israelites in the desert, who grumbled, complained, and rebelled. Or you can react like Jesus, who stood up and faced his temptation by quoting some basic commands of scripture to his adversary.
Third, it is important to keep the focus on God's provision during desert times, because this is where the biggest miracles happen. Yet these big miracles are often not a daily occurrance; it is, rather, the one-day-at-a-time provision direct from the hand of God. When you start to focus on what you don't have, you are on your way to failure. The keys are to keep praying for everything you need, regardless of what it is, and to be thankful for what you get.
Finally, the result of the successful navigation of the desert times is abundant blessing--the promised land! Unfortunately, these blessings can take many forms, which may make them hard to recognize. Ultimately, our entire life on earth could probably be classified as a desert existence, meeting with various oases between the drier times. So any blessings we get down here are only a transitory foreshadowing of the glorious riches that God has in store for us through the provision of Jesus Christ.
So there you have it. And if you're currently in the desert, I find that ice cream really helps take the edge off!
So for those of you who feel like you're wandering around in circles, getting nowhere, and "chasing the wind," I'll give you the abbreviated version of my sermon (which clocked in at a cool 25 minutes!)
First, times in the desert are a necessity. Every person has gone, or will go, through these times. All the big shots in the Bible went through it: Moses, Elijah, Jesus, Paul, and even some littler shots like Philip the evangelist. There are many different reasons people have to go through the desert: tempting, testing, punishment, a personal God-encounter, escape, training, and to minister to other desert dwellers. The key is to endure the time, while not doing anything to keep you there longer.
Second, in the desert, regardless of why you are there, you will face temptation. Either the temptation to "go back to Egypt," or the temptation to stay and do things like God's not watching. Our reactions to these can either be like the Israelites in the desert, who grumbled, complained, and rebelled. Or you can react like Jesus, who stood up and faced his temptation by quoting some basic commands of scripture to his adversary.
Third, it is important to keep the focus on God's provision during desert times, because this is where the biggest miracles happen. Yet these big miracles are often not a daily occurrance; it is, rather, the one-day-at-a-time provision direct from the hand of God. When you start to focus on what you don't have, you are on your way to failure. The keys are to keep praying for everything you need, regardless of what it is, and to be thankful for what you get.
Finally, the result of the successful navigation of the desert times is abundant blessing--the promised land! Unfortunately, these blessings can take many forms, which may make them hard to recognize. Ultimately, our entire life on earth could probably be classified as a desert existence, meeting with various oases between the drier times. So any blessings we get down here are only a transitory foreshadowing of the glorious riches that God has in store for us through the provision of Jesus Christ.
So there you have it. And if you're currently in the desert, I find that ice cream really helps take the edge off!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Experience?
I wrote this awhile ago, but got too mad in the middle and had to delete it. I'll try this again, now, with a little self-restraint.
Every now and then I search through the pastor search websites, just because I still need a job with a livable wage, and over and over I see that churches almost unanimously require five years of senior pastor experience.
This is a problem for several reasons:
1) most importantly, it excludes talented people (i.e., me) from the job pool just because I chose secular employment to put me through school.
2) it FORCES mobility on a profession that needs more steadiness. It breeds church-hopping pastors, always looking for the greener grass, never staying long enough to work through problems. A pastor cannot truly become a part of a community after just five years. And I would almost bet that high mobility has created a lot of the problems in pastor's lives, like divorce, burn out, and family resentment (or at least added to it).
3) it's not based on anything! Call me crazy, but I've seen that phrase so many times that I'm completely sure it is just mindless parroting of something, just because it sounds good. Show me the Barna report that says pastors with five-years experience always succeed when they transplant churches. Oh right, it doesn't exist.
4) to me, that requirement just says, "our church is too good to allow a pastor to make some mistakes." You know, in my church, I'll be happy to let everyone make as many mistakes as I make, if not more. We're none of us perfect, except big churches.
OK, well, I'm getting all riled up again, so I'd better quit.
Here's the moral: Churches, don't limit your pool of candidates by placing meaningless regulations on potential pastors. How about more meaningful ones, like "must like urban/suburban/rural environments," or "must love hard-headed people."
I'm just glad my wife didn't require five years of dating experience before we went out! Sometimes, God can make up for a lot!
--Abraham didn't need five years of parenting experience
--David didn't need five years of king experience
--Jeremiah didn't need five years of prophet experience
--Paul didn't need five years of Scripture-writing experience
--Jesus didn't need five years of messiah experience
Many times, life experiences can prepare us for the bigger roles God has for us.
Every now and then I search through the pastor search websites, just because I still need a job with a livable wage, and over and over I see that churches almost unanimously require five years of senior pastor experience.
This is a problem for several reasons:
1) most importantly, it excludes talented people (i.e., me) from the job pool just because I chose secular employment to put me through school.
2) it FORCES mobility on a profession that needs more steadiness. It breeds church-hopping pastors, always looking for the greener grass, never staying long enough to work through problems. A pastor cannot truly become a part of a community after just five years. And I would almost bet that high mobility has created a lot of the problems in pastor's lives, like divorce, burn out, and family resentment (or at least added to it).
3) it's not based on anything! Call me crazy, but I've seen that phrase so many times that I'm completely sure it is just mindless parroting of something, just because it sounds good. Show me the Barna report that says pastors with five-years experience always succeed when they transplant churches. Oh right, it doesn't exist.
4) to me, that requirement just says, "our church is too good to allow a pastor to make some mistakes." You know, in my church, I'll be happy to let everyone make as many mistakes as I make, if not more. We're none of us perfect, except big churches.
OK, well, I'm getting all riled up again, so I'd better quit.
Here's the moral: Churches, don't limit your pool of candidates by placing meaningless regulations on potential pastors. How about more meaningful ones, like "must like urban/suburban/rural environments," or "must love hard-headed people."
I'm just glad my wife didn't require five years of dating experience before we went out! Sometimes, God can make up for a lot!
--Abraham didn't need five years of parenting experience
--David didn't need five years of king experience
--Jeremiah didn't need five years of prophet experience
--Paul didn't need five years of Scripture-writing experience
--Jesus didn't need five years of messiah experience
Many times, life experiences can prepare us for the bigger roles God has for us.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Value
I was just reading "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller (again!) and there was something in there about letting things or people "name" you. That is, making your entire worth come from one person or something.
It became clear to me that I have let my vision of the future "name" me. I had decided that I would have no value to anyone unless I planted a successful church in Northern Virginia. That's really what these last few weeks have been about: my feelings of complete worthlessness because this did not happen. Somehow, in the midst of all this I forgot that God values me more than I can value anything: more than my wife, family, job, hobbies, or even my guitars!
The thing that has been the most meaningful about these past few days/weeks is so many friends just coming out of the woodwork and bending over backwards to make time for me, to listen to my frustrations, and show me that they are for me even when circumstances are not.
I've regained some optimism about the future. I'm looking for houses out here, and the prospect of having a real house for the first time with my wife is exciting. We'll see. If you read this, keep praying for me. And read "Blue Like Jazz"!
It became clear to me that I have let my vision of the future "name" me. I had decided that I would have no value to anyone unless I planted a successful church in Northern Virginia. That's really what these last few weeks have been about: my feelings of complete worthlessness because this did not happen. Somehow, in the midst of all this I forgot that God values me more than I can value anything: more than my wife, family, job, hobbies, or even my guitars!
The thing that has been the most meaningful about these past few days/weeks is so many friends just coming out of the woodwork and bending over backwards to make time for me, to listen to my frustrations, and show me that they are for me even when circumstances are not.
I've regained some optimism about the future. I'm looking for houses out here, and the prospect of having a real house for the first time with my wife is exciting. We'll see. If you read this, keep praying for me. And read "Blue Like Jazz"!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
A Confession
It's amazing to me that much of my haranguing of the "traditional church" stems from petty jealousy. Why don't I have a big church (or A church) like those other idiots?
Which idiots, you ask?
--Joel Osteen has the largest church in America and you're lucky to hear a reference to the Bible (much less Jesus) in one of his sermons.
--Then there was that guy in Colorado who had a mega church, was president of the Evangelicals, but got caught doing meth with a gay prostitute.
--Also my wife had a friend whose husband had several church jobs and a touring band, but he decided to turn his back on his career, his wife, and his five kids for some floozy he met at seminary of all places.
So why do these guys get the good gigs, while people like me, who have no idea where to even buy crystal methamphetamine, or who talk a lot about Jesus in sermons, struggle to find a gig with more than twenty people? Do you see what I am doing here? I'm masking my sins behind their "bigger" sins and claiming something to the effect that God doesn't need to use as much grace with me as He does with others. So, basically, I'm making it easier on God; He gets the better end of the deal, right? Right? Yeah, I guess not.
What I really hate is hearing people with big (150+) churches talking about how miserable they are sometimes! If you hate it so much, then why don't you step down and let some of the rest of us have a turn?!? I really used to think that pastors weren't in it for themselves, but lately I've seen so many who are absolutely intent on plastering their own pretty face and their brilliance all over the place. When I was in high school, we called these kind of people "attention whores." I wonder what John the Baptist meant when he said "he must increase and I must decrease." I like the kind of pastors who hate the spotlight and hate the sound of their own voice, but these guys don't have mega churches, they instead force their way into email inboxes through their own soapbox blogs, like me!
It's so easy to have that cheese ball humility amid success; I should know, I've been successful at various times. The difficult thing is to live with humility that comes from trial and failure. When life humiliates you, that is a whole different ball of cheese; plus it isn't so offensive to others I've found.
People like to say that when God closes a door, He opens a window. What they fail to reveal is that the window is usually on the second or third floor with really pointy bushes below you, and the window is really small and uncomfortable to squeeze through, and once you're outside, you really wonder whether or not you should have stayed inside and waited just a little while longer for another door to open, but in reality we all want what we can't have, and just when we get it we start wanting something else that we can't have and just start blaming God for the fact that life isn't perfect, but if life were perfect how would we know we needed God??
Or maybe that's just me....
Which idiots, you ask?
--Joel Osteen has the largest church in America and you're lucky to hear a reference to the Bible (much less Jesus) in one of his sermons.
--Then there was that guy in Colorado who had a mega church, was president of the Evangelicals, but got caught doing meth with a gay prostitute.
--Also my wife had a friend whose husband had several church jobs and a touring band, but he decided to turn his back on his career, his wife, and his five kids for some floozy he met at seminary of all places.
So why do these guys get the good gigs, while people like me, who have no idea where to even buy crystal methamphetamine, or who talk a lot about Jesus in sermons, struggle to find a gig with more than twenty people? Do you see what I am doing here? I'm masking my sins behind their "bigger" sins and claiming something to the effect that God doesn't need to use as much grace with me as He does with others. So, basically, I'm making it easier on God; He gets the better end of the deal, right? Right? Yeah, I guess not.
What I really hate is hearing people with big (150+) churches talking about how miserable they are sometimes! If you hate it so much, then why don't you step down and let some of the rest of us have a turn?!? I really used to think that pastors weren't in it for themselves, but lately I've seen so many who are absolutely intent on plastering their own pretty face and their brilliance all over the place. When I was in high school, we called these kind of people "attention whores." I wonder what John the Baptist meant when he said "he must increase and I must decrease." I like the kind of pastors who hate the spotlight and hate the sound of their own voice, but these guys don't have mega churches, they instead force their way into email inboxes through their own soapbox blogs, like me!
It's so easy to have that cheese ball humility amid success; I should know, I've been successful at various times. The difficult thing is to live with humility that comes from trial and failure. When life humiliates you, that is a whole different ball of cheese; plus it isn't so offensive to others I've found.
People like to say that when God closes a door, He opens a window. What they fail to reveal is that the window is usually on the second or third floor with really pointy bushes below you, and the window is really small and uncomfortable to squeeze through, and once you're outside, you really wonder whether or not you should have stayed inside and waited just a little while longer for another door to open, but in reality we all want what we can't have, and just when we get it we start wanting something else that we can't have and just start blaming God for the fact that life isn't perfect, but if life were perfect how would we know we needed God??
Or maybe that's just me....
Change of Plans
There was a commercial a while ago about some company (maybe Nextel??) that allowed people to be flexible when the situation changed. And even though I don't remember exactly what the commercial was advertising, I remember that everybody in these commercials said "Change of plans" about 100 times. It got pretty irritating.
Anyway, as I follow Jesus, that seems to be the theme of my life:
Career in music? Change of plans --> enlist in Air Force
Career in Air Force? Change of plans --> go to school for ministry
Useful college degree? Change of plans --> quick degree in "General Studies"
Get paid experience in ministry? Change of plans --> stay in UPS
Career as a regular pastor? Change of plans --> pursue church planting
Plant a church in Virginia? Change of plans --> get financially settled first
Move to Virginia? Change of plans --> stay in Kansas City
Do more with UPS???
Find a house to rent in KC???
Get a second job???
Start a church???
Go to another church???
Well, because of all these changes, I have almost been a nomad. My only dream in life is to go somewhere and STAY THERE! But God keeps churning my life around, with experience after experience that leaves me dissatisfied.
And the worst thing about it is that I don't really have anything solid to complain about. I can't relate to any of the psalms or Job because my only real enemies are my attitude and God's roadblocks and detours (probably related?). I definitely identify more with Ecclesiastes in being stuck in the futility of life in the cycles of the generations.
In the midst of all this I am faced with the exasperating exhortations in Scripture that just tell me to be faithful and shun evil and so on. I want to find some real practical help in making my daily decisions and know that I am on the right track, but I keep coming back to just being a good student/follower of Jesus.
There is one metaphor in Psalms that really applies to me here: "stuck in the miry clay." The hardest part about all of this is resisting the temptation to entice God: "God I'll fast/give/study/share/love/sell whatever if You'll just..." Sometimes I really wish God worked that way; that would make this Christianity stuff a whole heck of a lot easier than what it really is: waiting patiently for the Lord to lift us up out of the mire in due time.
Anyway, as I follow Jesus, that seems to be the theme of my life:
Career in music? Change of plans --> enlist in Air Force
Career in Air Force? Change of plans --> go to school for ministry
Useful college degree? Change of plans --> quick degree in "General Studies"
Get paid experience in ministry? Change of plans --> stay in UPS
Career as a regular pastor? Change of plans --> pursue church planting
Plant a church in Virginia? Change of plans --> get financially settled first
Move to Virginia? Change of plans --> stay in Kansas City
Do more with UPS???
Find a house to rent in KC???
Get a second job???
Start a church???
Go to another church???
Well, because of all these changes, I have almost been a nomad. My only dream in life is to go somewhere and STAY THERE! But God keeps churning my life around, with experience after experience that leaves me dissatisfied.
And the worst thing about it is that I don't really have anything solid to complain about. I can't relate to any of the psalms or Job because my only real enemies are my attitude and God's roadblocks and detours (probably related?). I definitely identify more with Ecclesiastes in being stuck in the futility of life in the cycles of the generations.
In the midst of all this I am faced with the exasperating exhortations in Scripture that just tell me to be faithful and shun evil and so on. I want to find some real practical help in making my daily decisions and know that I am on the right track, but I keep coming back to just being a good student/follower of Jesus.
There is one metaphor in Psalms that really applies to me here: "stuck in the miry clay." The hardest part about all of this is resisting the temptation to entice God: "God I'll fast/give/study/share/love/sell whatever if You'll just..." Sometimes I really wish God worked that way; that would make this Christianity stuff a whole heck of a lot easier than what it really is: waiting patiently for the Lord to lift us up out of the mire in due time.
Monday, May 19, 2008
"Present Future"
I just finished reading The Present Future by Reggie McNeal. It was a graduation present and a good read. He said a lot of the same things that I've been writing about, except his was more thought out and a few years before me!
Here's my deal. I want a church (group of people) to be different, not just for the sake of new, but for the sake of discipleship. As I've been saying we really need to reevaluate the marks of a follower of Jesus (traditionally: church attendance, tithing, and helping the church) and use marks from the sermon on the mount, such as loving enemies, generosity, genuineness, and a love for God because of Jesus that spills over into our other relationships.
Basically, I really don't see much good in the institutional church. My goal is to massively decentralize things, and "disorganize" the church, if you will, in order to make it more effective and even more enjoyable in my opinion.
Anyhoo, I'm heading to VA today for a much deserved vacation and to see if I can't persuade someone to hire me. Maybe I can even find a dude or two who wants to help me start a church.
God only knows......
Here's my deal. I want a church (group of people) to be different, not just for the sake of new, but for the sake of discipleship. As I've been saying we really need to reevaluate the marks of a follower of Jesus (traditionally: church attendance, tithing, and helping the church) and use marks from the sermon on the mount, such as loving enemies, generosity, genuineness, and a love for God because of Jesus that spills over into our other relationships.
Basically, I really don't see much good in the institutional church. My goal is to massively decentralize things, and "disorganize" the church, if you will, in order to make it more effective and even more enjoyable in my opinion.
Anyhoo, I'm heading to VA today for a much deserved vacation and to see if I can't persuade someone to hire me. Maybe I can even find a dude or two who wants to help me start a church.
God only knows......
Monday, May 12, 2008
Finally!!
Well, I've got everything done (I think!) for graduation. The only thing left is to sign a few out-processing documents and walk the aisle in my festal garments.
I've been thinking about the discipleship process and church and blah-dee-blah-da-blooblooo, and I think I've come up with something. I think it's kind of cool, so I won't reveal it just yet (although I bet someone else somewhere has already come up with the stuff!).
I wanted to discuss some of the "purposes" of the church, and why I want to move beyond the purpose driven model. The church has one mission, and that is to make disciples, or build people to follow Jesus. Worship can be done anywhere, and if the church does its mission, it will glorify God. In fact, God is not glorified if the church's emphasis is just "worship time." The church's purpose is not fellowship, but fellowship serves the discipleship purpose. The same with ministry, ministry is not the church's purpose, but disciples will serve others based on the nature of our Teacher. Evangelism is not the purpose of the church, but is merely one part of the discipleship journey.
Discipleship would certainly be incomplete without these things, but they are merely aspects of Discipleship.
And discipleship is much more than education. Church should not be a laboratory, but should provide "on the job training" as its main teaching tool. Real learning and real growth happen in real life, not on some desert island away from the rabble of society.
More to come later.
I've been thinking about the discipleship process and church and blah-dee-blah-da-blooblooo, and I think I've come up with something. I think it's kind of cool, so I won't reveal it just yet (although I bet someone else somewhere has already come up with the stuff!).
I wanted to discuss some of the "purposes" of the church, and why I want to move beyond the purpose driven model. The church has one mission, and that is to make disciples, or build people to follow Jesus. Worship can be done anywhere, and if the church does its mission, it will glorify God. In fact, God is not glorified if the church's emphasis is just "worship time." The church's purpose is not fellowship, but fellowship serves the discipleship purpose. The same with ministry, ministry is not the church's purpose, but disciples will serve others based on the nature of our Teacher. Evangelism is not the purpose of the church, but is merely one part of the discipleship journey.
Discipleship would certainly be incomplete without these things, but they are merely aspects of Discipleship.
And discipleship is much more than education. Church should not be a laboratory, but should provide "on the job training" as its main teaching tool. Real learning and real growth happen in real life, not on some desert island away from the rabble of society.
More to come later.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
The Wrong Tuxedo
In speaking about all that's "wrong" with more traditional churches, I have had something playing in my mind over and over again.
There is a very memorable scene in the movie Dumb and Dumber (I like the TV version so all the bad stuff is cut out) where Jim Carey's character is trying on a series of tuxedos. He comes out in all these amazing, expensive, and fancy tuxedos and has just a horrible, uncomfortable look on his face.
Then, he finds a bright orange, hideously outdated tuxedo and top hat and just starts dancing around, happy as a puppy, while the salesmen are absolutely horrified.
That's me. Although other people like and respect all these other church forms, I am just miserable when I'm put in them. They may look good on me, but they feel so constricted and uncomfortable.
Yet, when I found this new tuxedo (the organic, emerging church), I immediately fell head over heals in love with it. It's what I was born to do!
So much more of the Bible makes sense in this context. I am now free to be creative and express the gifts that God gave me, and not pretend to be something I'm not. Evangelism flows from a love of God now, instead of some bully making me. My sermons get infused with passion when I talk about it! The world finally makes sense here.
I know that I may fall flat on my face and be an absolute failure at this endeavor to plant a church with virtually no support or financial backing. I don't care, because I've got Jesus, and that's got to count for something! Besides, I'll have a regular job, so I won't need the church's (or a mission organization's) money.
It all goes back to masculinity. I need risk. I need challenge. I need something that can only happen because of God. I just need to wear the tuxedo that fits. This is my quest.
"Certain death? Small chance of success? What are we waiting for?!" --Gimli, LOTR
There is a very memorable scene in the movie Dumb and Dumber (I like the TV version so all the bad stuff is cut out) where Jim Carey's character is trying on a series of tuxedos. He comes out in all these amazing, expensive, and fancy tuxedos and has just a horrible, uncomfortable look on his face.
Then, he finds a bright orange, hideously outdated tuxedo and top hat and just starts dancing around, happy as a puppy, while the salesmen are absolutely horrified.
That's me. Although other people like and respect all these other church forms, I am just miserable when I'm put in them. They may look good on me, but they feel so constricted and uncomfortable.
Yet, when I found this new tuxedo (the organic, emerging church), I immediately fell head over heals in love with it. It's what I was born to do!
So much more of the Bible makes sense in this context. I am now free to be creative and express the gifts that God gave me, and not pretend to be something I'm not. Evangelism flows from a love of God now, instead of some bully making me. My sermons get infused with passion when I talk about it! The world finally makes sense here.
I know that I may fall flat on my face and be an absolute failure at this endeavor to plant a church with virtually no support or financial backing. I don't care, because I've got Jesus, and that's got to count for something! Besides, I'll have a regular job, so I won't need the church's (or a mission organization's) money.
It all goes back to masculinity. I need risk. I need challenge. I need something that can only happen because of God. I just need to wear the tuxedo that fits. This is my quest.
"Certain death? Small chance of success? What are we waiting for?!" --Gimli, LOTR
Monday, March 17, 2008
Is This Thing On??
I think it's been about a month since I last posted. Here's a synopsis of what has happened.
--Preaching class has taken a lot of my time. I generally have good content, but I'm having trouble with enthusiasm in delivery. I'm still working on it, though.
--The youth pastor thing in TN did not work out. We had an interview over the phone, but I was not that excited about the area (too Bible-belt), and the church (too traditional). They were not excited by my lack of experience and fascination with the emerging church movement. So, it looks like Virginia is still a go! (where 85% of the people do not go to church, and I can have the freedom to build a church according to the way that God has put me together)
--Church at North Point Fellowship is trucking along. I'm still struggling to find my place there.
--I'm having a really hard time with the job search arena as far as DC area employment is concerned. I really need prayer for this! (Curse my worthless WSU diploma!)
--Spring Break is next week and I cannot wait! I have a vacation from work that week as well. I am really going to enjoy it!
--Preaching class has taken a lot of my time. I generally have good content, but I'm having trouble with enthusiasm in delivery. I'm still working on it, though.
--The youth pastor thing in TN did not work out. We had an interview over the phone, but I was not that excited about the area (too Bible-belt), and the church (too traditional). They were not excited by my lack of experience and fascination with the emerging church movement. So, it looks like Virginia is still a go! (where 85% of the people do not go to church, and I can have the freedom to build a church according to the way that God has put me together)
--Church at North Point Fellowship is trucking along. I'm still struggling to find my place there.
--I'm having a really hard time with the job search arena as far as DC area employment is concerned. I really need prayer for this! (Curse my worthless WSU diploma!)
--Spring Break is next week and I cannot wait! I have a vacation from work that week as well. I am really going to enjoy it!
Friday, February 15, 2008
David and Saul
Normally, I hate to broadcast my shortcomings, but I also realize that I can't afford to broadcast only my victories. Hopefully, I'm not being too transparent.
Here's the thing: I know I'm good at a lot of things. But on the flip side of that, I know I'm not the best at anything, and I never will be. The thing is, many times I just resent the people that are better than me.
Let me rephrase that, the thing I really resent is when I see people with less talent than I have get better results than I get. It's not fair. In a way, I'm like the jerkface, whiney, second string quarterback, stirring up trouble in order to secure the top spot for myself.
I can really identify with David, the hot-shot upstart thrust into second place in the kingdom of Israel. But I have not yet learned the lesson never to lay a hand on the LORD's annointed (1 Sam 24). Unfortunately, that makes me more like David's son, Absalom, who went behind the king's back to create a following and usurp the kingdom (2 Sam 15). And that is why I think I'm still on the sidelines.
So there you have it. I'm not proud of it. The only thing left for me to do is repent of it and stop doing it. It's time to realize that I don't have to be the best. Maybe it would help to see things from God's perspective, to celebrate His victories and gifts, regardless of who He chooses to bless. I've done it before, so it's now a matter of consistently applying it.
I don't like being a disaffected malcontent all the time.
Hopefully, the first step toward recovery really is to admit you have a problem.
Here's the thing: I know I'm good at a lot of things. But on the flip side of that, I know I'm not the best at anything, and I never will be. The thing is, many times I just resent the people that are better than me.
Let me rephrase that, the thing I really resent is when I see people with less talent than I have get better results than I get. It's not fair. In a way, I'm like the jerkface, whiney, second string quarterback, stirring up trouble in order to secure the top spot for myself.
I can really identify with David, the hot-shot upstart thrust into second place in the kingdom of Israel. But I have not yet learned the lesson never to lay a hand on the LORD's annointed (1 Sam 24). Unfortunately, that makes me more like David's son, Absalom, who went behind the king's back to create a following and usurp the kingdom (2 Sam 15). And that is why I think I'm still on the sidelines.
So there you have it. I'm not proud of it. The only thing left for me to do is repent of it and stop doing it. It's time to realize that I don't have to be the best. Maybe it would help to see things from God's perspective, to celebrate His victories and gifts, regardless of who He chooses to bless. I've done it before, so it's now a matter of consistently applying it.
I don't like being a disaffected malcontent all the time.
Hopefully, the first step toward recovery really is to admit you have a problem.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
A Double Dose of Sermons
Well, I just finished paper number one this semester, and I'm off to my next project(s). Next Sunday I am preaching at North Point (where I'm helping out with music), and I am really looking forward to it. I'm preaching on Acts 13:47-48, and it's a very special passage to me. As I see it, this wraps up the mission of the church in a nice, neat little package.
Basically, if I get the opportunity to plant a church, it would be based on this passage, and I would most likely preach from it the first week. So I'm looking at this Sunday as a rough draft to the future.
But not only that, it will be a great opportunity to challenge the church I'm at to think about their goals, and give them some concrete ideas for outreach and growth.
In addition, I have a sermon due for preaching class three days later, which I am (perhaps foolishly) taking from a completely different passage. That one will be from Psalm 37 on dealing with enemies.
If you read this, pray for me. I'm going to try to use my preaching opportunity to invite some people from work who aren't exactly the "churchy" type. Should be exciting.
Basically, if I get the opportunity to plant a church, it would be based on this passage, and I would most likely preach from it the first week. So I'm looking at this Sunday as a rough draft to the future.
But not only that, it will be a great opportunity to challenge the church I'm at to think about their goals, and give them some concrete ideas for outreach and growth.
In addition, I have a sermon due for preaching class three days later, which I am (perhaps foolishly) taking from a completely different passage. That one will be from Psalm 37 on dealing with enemies.
If you read this, pray for me. I'm going to try to use my preaching opportunity to invite some people from work who aren't exactly the "churchy" type. Should be exciting.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Opportunity Knox?
I just got an email from some old friends from my Wichita church. They moved to Tennessee about 5 years ago or so with the Air National Guard. As it happens, their church is sans Youth Pastor, and my old Sunday School Teachers thought of me.
Hmmm. Me in Tennessee? Anyway, we'll see how things go. I told them to read this blog to get an accurate picture of my goals and beliefs. It may not go beyond that.... ;) Then again, they may love it. Who knows?
So pray for me, everybody. I'm not really sure what to make of this yet. I'm just trying to see what God has up His sleeve.
Oh, by the way, the church is in Knox County, hence the clever title.
Hmmm. Me in Tennessee? Anyway, we'll see how things go. I told them to read this blog to get an accurate picture of my goals and beliefs. It may not go beyond that.... ;) Then again, they may love it. Who knows?
So pray for me, everybody. I'm not really sure what to make of this yet. I'm just trying to see what God has up His sleeve.
Oh, by the way, the church is in Knox County, hence the clever title.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
New Bible Study
As some of you may know, I do the music for Set Free ministry's weekly services. They are a church based out of Los Angeles that reaches out to the kind of people that most churches want nothing to do with: homeless, drug addicts, alcoholics, gang members, ex-cons, and so on. Two of the bigger churches are Set Free Skid Row, and Set Free Yucaipa.
Their program is simple. They bring people off the streets, out of their negative environment, and give them a regimented program of discipline, health, work, Bible study, and positive community.
Since the Kansas City Set Free is so small, pastor Reggie depends on other local pastors or leaders to come in and help out with the daily Bible studies. So starting next week, I'm going to be leading one of their Bible studies, and right now I'm planning on going through 2 Corinthians ("when I am weak, then I am strong").
It's going to be pretty challenging to try to relate the message to people I have so little in common with. However, I'm hoping to really learn a lot about this important group of people, the "tax collectors, prostitutes, and sinners" of our generation.
In my opinion, people have a lot more in common each other than we'd like to admit. We all have family problems, hidden sins, embarrassing failures, and hopes and dreams for a better future. While we don't all sin in the same way, all have sinned, and we all need the same Jesus to forgive our sins and restore us to God.
So if you get a chance, send up a quick prayer to God to help me through this. I'm really looking forward to it!!
Their program is simple. They bring people off the streets, out of their negative environment, and give them a regimented program of discipline, health, work, Bible study, and positive community.
Since the Kansas City Set Free is so small, pastor Reggie depends on other local pastors or leaders to come in and help out with the daily Bible studies. So starting next week, I'm going to be leading one of their Bible studies, and right now I'm planning on going through 2 Corinthians ("when I am weak, then I am strong").
It's going to be pretty challenging to try to relate the message to people I have so little in common with. However, I'm hoping to really learn a lot about this important group of people, the "tax collectors, prostitutes, and sinners" of our generation.
In my opinion, people have a lot more in common each other than we'd like to admit. We all have family problems, hidden sins, embarrassing failures, and hopes and dreams for a better future. While we don't all sin in the same way, all have sinned, and we all need the same Jesus to forgive our sins and restore us to God.
So if you get a chance, send up a quick prayer to God to help me through this. I'm really looking forward to it!!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
On a More Personal Note
I have been writing a lot about issues I feel passionately about, but I also wanted to use this blog to keep people up to date about what condition my condition is in.
Work has been busy!! Sure, the overtime is nice, but it has been wearing me out! I worked 20 hours of overtime the same week as my finals. But things are finally winding down. I still haven't done any Christmas shopping yet, and I still haven't gotten my grades.
Basically, I'm just really tired.
I've got a unique church situation going on. My church planting professor is the interim pastor for a church "replant" close to the school. He asked me to do music for the church, since their previous musicians quit. So, I don't know if I can be called "minister of music" yet or not, but I'm gonna have fun there. They are really nice people, and they seem to like my singing. I hope I can get some preaching opportunities there, as well, before my time is done this summer.
Jennifer (the old ball and chain) still lives with me as far as I know. I see her briefly on the weekends. It's been pretty rough on both of us, working so hard and not having any time together. I'm still praying for the day when we will both have day jobs with banker's hours so we can enjoy each other's company. She's been working very hard at Wal-Mart, dealing with inventory and thousands of customers. She's such a trooper.
If anyone out there in Internet-land wants to buy me a Christmas present, then by all means follow that instinct. My wife says I'm hard to shop for, but I always know exactly what to get me. Basically, I don't like useless stuff, or stuff that takes up space. I want things that serve an important purpose. For example, a restaurant gift card would allow me to have time with my wife or a friend. A decorative thing would take up space that we don't have. I could wear a nice shirt or pants to church every few weeks. As for books or movies, I am very picky about what I buy, and I don't have much shelf space (thank you seminary!!). I also really don't care for things that are impersonal.
Jennifer is very easy to shop for. Just get her some girly crap. Just kidding! She likes frogs, she uses lots of lotion, candles, stuff like that, and if you REALLY want to impress her, get her a gift card to Starbucks. Through process of elimination I have found out that she doesn't like power tools, sports memorabilia, anything with potty humor, or ancient books on theology. What a weirdo!!
Merry Christmas to all, and let me hear from some of you!!
Work has been busy!! Sure, the overtime is nice, but it has been wearing me out! I worked 20 hours of overtime the same week as my finals. But things are finally winding down. I still haven't done any Christmas shopping yet, and I still haven't gotten my grades.
Basically, I'm just really tired.
I've got a unique church situation going on. My church planting professor is the interim pastor for a church "replant" close to the school. He asked me to do music for the church, since their previous musicians quit. So, I don't know if I can be called "minister of music" yet or not, but I'm gonna have fun there. They are really nice people, and they seem to like my singing. I hope I can get some preaching opportunities there, as well, before my time is done this summer.
Jennifer (the old ball and chain) still lives with me as far as I know. I see her briefly on the weekends. It's been pretty rough on both of us, working so hard and not having any time together. I'm still praying for the day when we will both have day jobs with banker's hours so we can enjoy each other's company. She's been working very hard at Wal-Mart, dealing with inventory and thousands of customers. She's such a trooper.
If anyone out there in Internet-land wants to buy me a Christmas present, then by all means follow that instinct. My wife says I'm hard to shop for, but I always know exactly what to get me. Basically, I don't like useless stuff, or stuff that takes up space. I want things that serve an important purpose. For example, a restaurant gift card would allow me to have time with my wife or a friend. A decorative thing would take up space that we don't have. I could wear a nice shirt or pants to church every few weeks. As for books or movies, I am very picky about what I buy, and I don't have much shelf space (thank you seminary!!). I also really don't care for things that are impersonal.
Jennifer is very easy to shop for. Just get her some girly crap. Just kidding! She likes frogs, she uses lots of lotion, candles, stuff like that, and if you REALLY want to impress her, get her a gift card to Starbucks. Through process of elimination I have found out that she doesn't like power tools, sports memorabilia, anything with potty humor, or ancient books on theology. What a weirdo!!
Merry Christmas to all, and let me hear from some of you!!
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