Normally, I hate to broadcast my shortcomings, but I also realize that I can't afford to broadcast only my victories. Hopefully, I'm not being too transparent.
Here's the thing: I know I'm good at a lot of things. But on the flip side of that, I know I'm not the best at anything, and I never will be. The thing is, many times I just resent the people that are better than me.
Let me rephrase that, the thing I really resent is when I see people with less talent than I have get better results than I get. It's not fair. In a way, I'm like the jerkface, whiney, second string quarterback, stirring up trouble in order to secure the top spot for myself.
I can really identify with David, the hot-shot upstart thrust into second place in the kingdom of Israel. But I have not yet learned the lesson never to lay a hand on the LORD's annointed (1 Sam 24). Unfortunately, that makes me more like David's son, Absalom, who went behind the king's back to create a following and usurp the kingdom (2 Sam 15). And that is why I think I'm still on the sidelines.
So there you have it. I'm not proud of it. The only thing left for me to do is repent of it and stop doing it. It's time to realize that I don't have to be the best. Maybe it would help to see things from God's perspective, to celebrate His victories and gifts, regardless of who He chooses to bless. I've done it before, so it's now a matter of consistently applying it.
I don't like being a disaffected malcontent all the time.
Hopefully, the first step toward recovery really is to admit you have a problem.
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